Listening to the subtle wisdom that whispers through the magical vessel of your body is almost impossible at first.
Decades of programing that has trained you to be nice, polite and kind to others has also taught you to ignore, push aside and abandon your-self.
Your desire to be loved, belong and feel safe has created a vault in which your longings, your objections, your cravings, your clarity, your intuition, your impulses and your aliveness has been locked away so as to not rock the boat that holds and houses you.
And after some time, be it weeks, years or decades there is no more room in the vault. So you go about building a bigger vault, with stronger walls, thicker chains and bigger padlocks.
You become tired, exhausted even, spending so much time and energy maintaining your vault. You feel engorged inside as it takes up more and more space and eventually it seems there is no room to move.
And then it happens. As you open the lid just a sliver to shove in yet one more small, seemingly insignificant impulse, the vault explodes.
For a moment, until you manage to force the lid closed once again, a torrent of sadness flows, volcanic rage erupts, fear tremors... like a unexpected and uninvited earthquake through your tender body.
It is terrifying. You'd forgotten what you'd put in that vault, or that it even existed. Until now. And you realise that you've been numb for years or maybe decades to the possibilities that lay dormant within.
You begin to remember that a long long time ago you chose to hide your true self away in the name of safety... and now realise is was not 'safe' at all.
As you take a closer look you begin to see that the vault is powerful beyond your mind's belief. It is in fact not a vault at all, but a treasure chest. A place where you've hidden your most valuable riches that were too bright, too unsafe, too much in contrast to a culture that hasn't learnt how to feel, and sense and listen to the subtle wisdom of its human bodies.
It seems scary at first, to look inside. There is soooo much in there that it can appear toooo big to let out. Something in you knows it will be worth it. Even though it may take time... and will... and courage... a life-force like you've never known before is waiting. All you need to do is commit to stepping (one step at a time) into the unknown and trust the gifts that these treasures have to offer.
As your curiosity draws you to look inside, you will be called to create and lean in to new spaces and friends and cultures even, within which to express and release your treasures from your chest.
And they will be wild, and unruly and even crazy at first. And they will need these new spaces and new friends and new cultures to hold them as they spill out.... Let them be. They have been locked in that tight dark chest for way too long.
Open your chest and let the treasure pour out.
What you will most likely discover in the process, is that your permission to release your treasures, over time, is in itself, the revealing of a new story where safety and love and belonging emerges from within.
And once the big rains pour and the storms roll through and the earthquakes shake you to your core... the seas will calm and you you will have infinite space within for all of your longings, your objections, your cravings, your clarity, your intuition, your impulses and your aliveness that were once locked away, to flow through... to be seen... to be valued... to be heard... to be loved... most importantly, by you.
And in the spaciousness of being you, you attune to the Subtle Sensory Wisdom that is speaking through you in every breathing moment. Guided by all that is... you.
Trusting is the ultimate surrender into the unknown mystery of life. The willingness to lean in, to take a leap, to let go... to not know.
This kind of active surrender requires a healthy and intimate relationship to Fear.
As Fear is THE core Feeling that keeps you attuned to your environment – both inner and outer – providing you a continual stream of signals as to how best to stay in connection… with life.
The potency of this brave act has become lost however on someone or something outside of us.
We place trust in other, in religion, in marriage, even in insurance companies... that they will do the 'right' thing by us. We buy in to these ‘insurance’ contracts to reduce our Fear of what might happen.
In essence, these contracts numb us to feeling and sensing the gifts of true Fear and its vital purpose in our lives.
What if having a deeply embedded relationship with Fear is the ultimate life insurance?
Trust, through the gift of Fear, is an inside job.
You can trust in someone or something as much as you want, however, if they then go and 'do' something that goes against your expectations or desires it can be easy to tell yourself the story that I can't trust them.
If you live your life expecting others to go about their lives in a way that is trust ‘worthy’ for you then you’re setting yourself up for disappointment.
We’re human! We see life through our own personal lens. Others see life through theirs.
It’s almost idiotic to expect that others will do everything in a way that that will be worthy of your trust.
What’s really going on when you want others to be trust ‘worthy’ is a desire for them to act in a way that doesn’t trigger you, that doesn’t disappoint you, that doesn’t connect you to your core feelings.
Thing is that your Feelings are the very information that you need to navigate the unknown of life.
Your Feelings are your own internal compass.
Sure, you can ask for what you want. You can give feedback about your experience. You can set boundaries. You can make agreements. But these will never guarantee your safety.
Life is always shifting and changing; a constant stream of energy that is in-formation.
The resting place of trust is within YOU and your willingness to let Fear be the humble servant, the all seeing eyes that constantly inform you.
So ask yourself this question…
'Can I trust myself enough to be able to respond, rather than react, to any situation or experience I encounter?’
If someone breaks an agreement with you, can you trust yourself to compassionately inquire about their experience rather than jumping to irrational conclusions about why they did what they did?
Can you trust that you have the capacity to speak up, to have the difficult conversations, to invite more clarity, to take responsibility for what’s yours and support others to see their blind spots so that we may all remain in connection with each other, ourselves and with life?
If I place my trust in something outside of me then I’m giving it my authority and power to respond.
People you love will make mistakes. You will make mistakes. We are all humans discovering how to navigate our way through life with the tools and skills that we have.
So instead, check in with yourself…
Do you have the skills to remain centered when things get tough?
Do you understand the purpose of your Feelings and how they are different to Emotional energy?
Are you aware of what’s going on when you, or someone you love, gets triggered?
Can you see how your personal upbringing, family life, culture has contributed to the beliefs that you hold on to and how others’ hold different beliefs… that direct different actions to you?
Trust is an inside job.
It is your capacity to trust yourself to have your own back NO MATTER WHAT is happening around you or inside of you. To be connected to the ever changing flow of life.
In any given moment you can never really know what is going to happen so becoming a ninja in the art of traversing the unknown is your best hope of creating a life that feels safe, nourishing, connected and alive.
It is up to you to choose if someone else’s mistake breaks your trust or provides you with an opportunity to come more deeply into connection with them, to understand a perspective that may be different to yours and to strengthen your trust in yourself even more.
In love and trust.
Stacia is a co-founder of The Art of Relating. A Writer, Facilitator, Speaker and Wisdom Keeper.