the conscious tantrum

THE CONSCIOUS TANTRUM
one of the most adult things I do these days....

I've had a couple of interactions with an extended family member in the past 24hrs that has connected me to deep layers of Grief and Anger.

Boundaries were crossed by agreements not being kept and it hurt. Words were shared that were not backed by actions.

The emotional surge came forth pretty quickly. Within it I felt both Sadness (in the form of Grief) and Anger.

In my work with feelings-based communication and emotional release I've learnt that when emotions are mixed I can't shift the energy and hence healing stagnates.
It's important to work with each emotional flavour individually. They deserve this kind of single focused attention.

The Sadness was strongest at first and I let what felt possible at the time move through. Tears flowed, snot dripped... I sobbed like I hadn't for a while.

Gero called at the perfect time and held me in it from afar... more came.

This Sadness was about my Mother, my family home and my connection to this place that has had to take on a new form due to some unforeseen circumstances.

Then the Anger came. It was big and primal and uncomfortable and I didn't really want to feel it.

I could feel the part of me that wanted to direct it to the person whose actions triggered me. What they did (and didn't do) wasn't OK. I was clear about that.

However while there was the clear and pure feeling of Anger about what wasn't OK there was also a surge of emotional energy bubbling up.

Emotional Anger connected to many other times when similar boundaries had been crossed in similar ways where I'd not spoken up.

Hence, the Conscious Tantrum.

In recognising the emotional charge that wasn't about what had just happened I took myself to my bed and allowed it to move through my body.
Feet kicking, fists clenched and pounding, heart racing, voice open... making sounds, growling, allowing whatever un-PC words that wanted to come out.

Moving it through... safely.

It wasn't directed at anyone in particular... it was probably about many things - that's not important.

It was an old ball of energy that this current encounter had gifted me the opportunity to heal and I was choosing to move it through rather than holding on to it even longer.

God it felt good. More tears came soon after then another wave of Anger... I just rode the waves for a couple of minutes.

It doesn't need to take too long to move this stuff (I reminded myself...)
Directly before this I felt sluggish, stuck, heavy and I could feel that I was getting too close to the emotional swamp for my liking. You know... that place where you end up stuck and indulging in the stuckness.... no thanks.

Straight after there was clarity and a sense of self-empowerment that I was grateful for... yes thanks.

Choosing to have a Conscious Tantrum over being stuck in the swamp may be one of the most adult things I choose to do these days.

And I decided to share this as an offering to what may be possible for you next time you find yourself triggered, filling with emotion and stumbling towards the swamp...

There are other choices you can make and other paths to take than the familiar old well trodden - and outdated - ones.

These new paths lead to new cultures where emotions help us to heal and feelings guide us home...

I'll see you there...

​Stacia