Trusting is the ultimate surrender into the unknown mystery of life. The willingness to lean in, to take a leap, to let go... to not know.
This kind of active surrender requires a healthy and intimate relationship to Fear.
As Fear is THE core Feeling that keeps you attuned to your environment – both inner and outer – providing you a continual stream of signals as to how best to stay in connection… with life.
The potency of this brave act has become lost however on someone or something outside of us.
We place trust in other, in religion, in marriage, even in insurance companies... that they will do the 'right' thing by us. We buy in to these ‘insurance’ contracts to reduce our Fear of what might happen.
In essence, these contracts numb us to feeling and sensing the gifts of true Fear and its vital purpose in our lives.
What if having a deeply embedded relationship with Fear is the ultimate life insurance?
Trust, through the gift of Fear, is an inside job.
You can trust in someone or something as much as you want, however, if they then go and 'do' something that goes against your expectations or desires it can be easy to tell yourself the story that I can't trust them.
If you live your life expecting others to go about their lives in a way that is trust ‘worthy’ for you then you’re setting yourself up for disappointment.
We’re human! We see life through our own personal lens. Others see life through theirs.
It’s almost idiotic to expect that others will do everything in a way that that will be worthy of your trust.
What’s really going on when you want others to be trust ‘worthy’ is a desire for them to act in a way that doesn’t trigger you, that doesn’t disappoint you, that doesn’t connect you to your core feelings.
Thing is that your Feelings are the very information that you need to navigate the unknown of life.
Your Feelings are your own internal compass.
Sure, you can ask for what you want. You can give feedback about your experience. You can set boundaries. You can make agreements. But these will never guarantee your safety.
Life is always shifting and changing; a constant stream of energy that is in-formation.
The resting place of trust is within YOU and your willingness to let Fear be the humble servant, the all seeing eyes that constantly inform you.
So ask yourself this question…
'Can I trust myself enough to be able to respond, rather than react, to any situation or experience I encounter?’
If someone breaks an agreement with you, can you trust yourself to compassionately inquire about their experience rather than jumping to irrational conclusions about why they did what they did?
Can you trust that you have the capacity to speak up, to have the difficult conversations, to invite more clarity, to take responsibility for what’s yours and support others to see their blind spots so that we may all remain in connection with each other, ourselves and with life?
If I place my trust in something outside of me then I’m giving it my authority and power to respond.
People you love will make mistakes. You will make mistakes. We are all humans discovering how to navigate our way through life with the tools and skills that we have.
So instead, check in with yourself…
Do you have the skills to remain centered when things get tough?
Do you understand the purpose of your Feelings and how they are different to Emotional energy?
Are you aware of what’s going on when you, or someone you love, gets triggered?
Can you see how your personal upbringing, family life, culture has contributed to the beliefs that you hold on to and how others’ hold different beliefs… that direct different actions to you?
Trust is an inside job.
It is your capacity to trust yourself to have your own back NO MATTER WHAT is happening around you or inside of you. To be connected to the ever changing flow of life.
In any given moment you can never really know what is going to happen so becoming a ninja in the art of traversing the unknown is your best hope of creating a life that feels safe, nourishing, connected and alive.
It is up to you to choose if someone else’s mistake breaks your trust or provides you with an opportunity to come more deeply into connection with them, to understand a perspective that may be different to yours and to strengthen your trust in yourself even more.
In love and trust.
Stacia is a co-founder of The Art of Relating. A Writer, Facilitator, Speaker and Wisdom Keeper.