​The notion of having different bodies may or may not be new to you. What I'm mean, when I speak about your Emotional Body, is the part of you that feels... deeply.

Your big, tender, powerful, pulsating heart that feels Anger, Sadness, Fear and Joy ALL OF THE TIME.

Being attuned to your core feelings is like drinking in sweet nectar full of valuable energy and information that in turn nourishes your whole system.

Nectar that is a necessary lubricant for living a radically responsible, alive, connected, loving life.

Whether you can notice, feel and express your feelings will depend on the culture, family systems, educational institutions etc. that you've been raised within.

Sadly, most of them don't know how to feel consciously, responsibly, wholeheartedly.

Instead you may have learned to numb rather than to feel.

If this is the case, your Emotional Body is probably starving.

And when you starve your Emotional Body you will most likely be over compensating by feeding your Mental, Physical or Energetic bodies more than what they really need.

Binge eating, over-working, over-thinking, checking out, day dreaming, pleasing others and abandoning yourself, hrs of meditation so you can stay calm and grounded. This list is pages long (getting real and writing your own list can be helpful... and shocking).

The results of these starving/overcompensating behaviours can be things like weight gain, exhaustion & burnout, fatigue, depression, lack of focus/clarity, indecision, feeling anxious and more.

Understanding the nature of Feelings, how they differ from Emotions, what they're for, how they move in different ways through your Physical body takes time. Your Feelings, and your Feeling Body are both simple in nature and complex in the many ways they dance and sing through you.

If you've ever prioritised the health of your Physical body with exercise, massage, good food, touch and intimacy then I invite you to consider what else might be possible if you prioritised your Emotional Body in the same way.

These systems that are your different bodies all feed each other and the impact that starving any one of them is significant.

Knowing that there is very little education out there about this work both Saddens and Angers me. I also feel Fear about the state of the broader human condition in the world and Joy at what I see is possible when people step wholeheartedly into Feelings work.

All of my Feelings are my fuel for the work that I continue to do in the world. I'm so grateful that my life path has seen me walking many years in the numbness or corporate life so that I could feel the pain of this and use it as fuel to seek something different.

I'm also deeply grateful to have an ever growing community of deeply feeling humans around me both in my personal circles and through the work that I offer.
For me, Reclaiming my relationship to Anger was the necessary first step as contrary to popular belief, healthy functional Anger is necessary for creating safe spaces.

When you can hold a safer space within and for yourself, it becomes easier to feel the wells of emotion that have been pushed down, locked up, pushed away, abandoned all of these years.

And when the emotional rivers start to flow and move and release, clearing space for your Feelings to be sensed and felt you start to nourish the desert of your Feeling Body with welcomed rain.

With Love
Stacia

Whether you're in intimate relationship with other/s or not, you're always in relationship with yourself (all the wonderful and often conflicting parts)... AND...

... as a human, you're relationships will involve feeling stuff!

Of all of my core feelings, Anger is the one that has created the most clarity and safety in my relationships through:

• providing me with energy to set and (more importantly) hold boundaries with myself and others.
  
• using the magic of boundary setting to hold space to feel ALL of my core feelings rather than using anger to say No to them.
  
• being a source of strength that I can draw on when I feel vulnerable so I can be WITH all that's moving in me and bring it IN to connection rather than push it aside.
  
• being sword of clarity I draw on to anchor me back into my body when I notice myself drifting off.
  
• being able to feel and communicate my clear Yes and No when needed.
  
• giving me the courage to back myself up when things get shaky or conflict rises.
  
• being the fuel for my fuck Yes! which is also my Passion both in life and in the bedroom.

How is this all possible?

By inviting Anger IN. By being curious. By being willing see Anger for what it is beyond what our past experiences and cultural stories have imprinted upon it.

Becoming intimate with Anger means inviting in the flavour of life-force energy that is your aliveness, clarity, solidity, strength and structure (it's good for ya bones). It's like having a solid bedframe that provides structure for you to lay back in and feel safe and held.

If you're interested in learning more and experiencing the healthy, functional and enlivening energy of Anger moving safely through your body check out our Anger trainings under the 'Workshops & Trainings' tab.

The more people becoming intimate the better the world will be!!

Big love

Stacia

Listening to the subtle wisdom that whispers through the magical vessel of your body is almost impossible at first.

Decades of programing that has trained you to be nice, polite and kind to others has also taught you to ignore, push aside and abandon your-self.

Your desire to be loved, belong and feel safe has created a vault in which your longings, your objections, your cravings, your clarity, your intuition, your impulses and your aliveness has been locked away so as to not rock the boat that holds and houses you.

And after some time, be it weeks, years or decades there is no more room in the vault. So you go about building a bigger vault, with stronger walls, thicker chains and bigger padlocks.

You become tired, exhausted even, spending so much time and energy maintaining your vault. You feel engorged inside as it takes up more and more space and eventually it seems there is no room to move.

And then it happens. As you open the lid just a sliver to shove in yet one more small, seemingly insignificant impulse, the vault explodes.
​
For a moment, until you manage to force the lid closed once again, a torrent of sadness flows, volcanic rage erupts, fear tremors... like a unexpected and uninvited earthquake through your tender body.

It is terrifying. You'd forgotten what you'd put in that vault, or that it even existed. Until now. And you realise that you've been numb for years or maybe decades to the possibilities that lay dormant within.

You begin to remember that a long long time ago you chose to hide your true self away in the name of safety... and now realise is was not 'safe' at all.

As you take a closer look you begin to see that the vault is powerful beyond your mind's belief. It is in fact not a vault at all, but a treasure chest. A place where you've hidden your most valuable riches that were too bright, too unsafe, too much in contrast to a culture that hasn't learnt how to feel, and sense and listen to the subtle wisdom of its human bodies.

It seems scary at first, to look inside. There is soooo much in there that it can appear toooo big to let out. Something in you knows it will be worth it. Even though it may take time... and will... and courage... a life-force like you've never known before is waiting. All you need to do is commit to stepping (one step at a time) into the unknown and trust the gifts that these treasures have to offer.

As your curiosity draws you to look inside, you will be called to create and lean in to new spaces and friends and cultures even, within which to express and release your treasures from your chest.

And they will be wild, and unruly and even crazy at first. And they will need these new spaces and new friends and new cultures to hold them as they spill out.... Let them be. They have been locked in that tight dark chest for way too long.

Open your chest and let the treasure pour out.

​Some say that it is important to hit rock bottom.

To travel deep down to the depths of our grief, our anger and our fears.

If we don't hit the bottom we don't have any solid foundations from which to push up from as we begin to enact the much needed change that has been longing to be seen and engaged for what can feel like an eternity.

Hitting the bottom does not mean defeat for as soon as your toe makes first contact with the solid floor that is 'rock bottom' a relief washes over.

You have landed from the state of falling.

You have made contact with the solid foundation that was there holding you all along.

You can feel your feet on the ground and there you can rest... for a moment... or while... until you are ready to push off and begin to rise...

As there is no where else to go but up from here...

The time has come..

To rise...

Stacia

For some time now I've had the visual of my life force energy being made up of 4 streams of energy that all intertwine.

Not mixed together...

Each stream clear in and of itself... while also in a dance with each other.

Each stream having a different flavour, sense, colour and purpose. This purpose being its gifts that are stronger when they are all in flow together.

Like a 4 wire electrical cable or a musical score made up of 4 different tracks.

When we halt the flow of energy due to cultural stories that tell us these energies are dangerous, disruptive, weak and attention seeking we halt our access to these gifts.

Similar to when Brene Brown says that we can't simply isolate and numb one feeling without numbing them all to some extent.

When the energetic flow of feeling that holds valuable information is squashed it builds up like a dam creating emotional pressure and often physical pain.

And one day, when the dam get's too full for it's container, (your body) it will erupt, overflow, explode, burst out.

You may have experienced what I'm talking about.

You have a choice to take responsibility for your internal dams by creating space to release them safely before they spew out all over someone you love.

Get in touch with us if you'd like to find out more about how you can create space for this in your life.

​Stacia

​Trusting is the ultimate surrender into the unknown mystery of life. The willingness to lean in, to take a leap, to let go... to not know.
 
This kind of active surrender requires a healthy and intimate relationship to Fear.
 
As Fear is THE core Feeling that keeps you attuned to your environment – both inner and outer – providing you a continual stream of signals as to how best to stay in connection… with life.
 
The potency of this brave act has become lost however on someone or something outside of us.
 
We place trust in other, in religion, in marriage, even in insurance companies... that they will do the 'right' thing by us. We buy in to these ‘insurance’ contracts to reduce our Fear of what might happen.
 
In essence, these contracts numb us to feeling and sensing the gifts of true Fear and its vital purpose in our lives.
 
What if having a deeply embedded relationship with Fear is the ultimate life insurance?
 
Trust, through the gift of Fear, is an inside job.
 
You can trust in someone or something as much as you want, however, if they then go and 'do' something that goes against your expectations or desires it can be easy to tell yourself the story that I can't trust them.
 
If you live your life expecting others to go about their lives in a way that is trust ‘worthy’ for you then you’re setting yourself up for disappointment.
 
We’re human! We see life through our own personal lens. Others see life through theirs.
 
It’s almost idiotic to expect that others will do everything in a way that that will be worthy of your trust.
 
What’s really going on when you want others to be trust ‘worthy’ is a desire for them to act in a way that doesn’t trigger you, that doesn’t disappoint you, that doesn’t connect you to your core feelings.
 
Thing is that your Feelings are the very information that you need to navigate the unknown of life.
 
Your Feelings are your own internal compass.
 
Sure, you can ask for what you want. You can give feedback about your experience. You can set boundaries. You can make agreements. But these will never guarantee your safety.
 
Life is always shifting and changing; a constant stream of energy that is in-formation.
 
The resting place of trust is within YOU and your willingness to let Fear be the humble servant, the all seeing eyes that constantly inform you.
 
So ask yourself this question…
 
'Can I trust myself enough to be able to respond, rather than react, to any situation or experience I encounter?’

If someone breaks an agreement with you, can you trust yourself to compassionately inquire about their experience rather than jumping to irrational conclusions about why they did what they did?
 
Can you trust that you have the capacity to speak up, to have the difficult conversations, to invite more clarity, to take responsibility for what’s yours and support others to see their blind spots so that we may all remain in connection with each other, ourselves and with life?
 
If I place my trust in something outside of me then I’m giving it my authority and power to respond.
 
People you love will make mistakes. You will make mistakes. We are all humans discovering how to navigate our way through life with the tools and skills that we have.
 
So instead, check in with yourself…
 
Do you have the skills to remain centered when things get tough?
 
Do you understand the purpose of your Feelings and how they are different to Emotional energy?
 
Are you aware of what’s going on when you, or someone you love, gets triggered?
 
Can you see how your personal upbringing, family life, culture has contributed to the beliefs that you hold on to and how others’ hold different beliefs… that direct different actions to you?
 
Trust is an inside job.
 
It is your capacity to trust yourself to have your own back NO MATTER WHAT is happening around you or inside of you. To be connected to the ever changing flow of life.
 
In any given moment you can never really know what is going to happen so becoming a ninja in the art of traversing the unknown is your best hope of creating a life that feels safe, nourishing, connected and alive.
 
It is up to you to choose if someone else’s mistake breaks your trust or provides you with an opportunity to come more deeply into connection with them, to understand a perspective that may be different to yours and to strengthen your trust in yourself even more.

In love and trust.

​Stacia x

​“Walls keep everybody out. Boundaries teach people where the door is.”
  Mark Groves

Defence :: Justification :: Accusing :: Controlling :: Threatening :: Advising ::
‘Should-ing’ :: Lecturing :: Judging :: Criticising :: Blaming :: Unconscious Feelings :: Praising :: Diagnosing :: Consoling :: Probing :: Withdrawing :: Humoring :: Diverting

If you’re human, you probably use use some of these blocks to build walls with.

Walls that you maintain so you can feed yourself the illusion that you’re keeping out that which does not feel safe.

The illusion is that most of the time you think you’re blocking out the person, the experience, the annoying behaviour.  When the thing you’re really blocking out is all that you will feel in response to letting that person, experience or annoying behaviour really touch you… to really letting life in.

If you’re not feeling your feelings then you’re starving yourself of connection… to you... primarily... and to others.  If you’re not connected to yourself can you truly expect to experience true connection with others?

Why do you do this? Because when you let life in, when you let the force of life’s energy flow through you it will, at first, feel like a cascade of indecipherable and overwhelming emotion. Not something many people volunteer for... or is it?

At first glimpse there seemingly aren’t so many reasons why you would even want to open that Pandora’s Box.  However, at the bottom of that very same Box is a pile of gold.  The Box is also a Treasure Chest.

Want the gold… open the Box!

More Possibilities::
If you want to stop trying to do it all on your own you may like to consider:
 -< Reclaiming Anger
 -< Reclaiming Anger for Women
 -< Expand The Box 5 day residential training
 -< Community Forum
​ -< Private Sessions with Gero &/or Stacia

Is it time to stop waiting in the doorway and take the next... small... step?

Leave a comment below and share with us what your next move will be.

You might just inspire someone.

with love

Stacia

​You know that idea you've been sitting on for a long time now...

That project you haven’t started...

That conversation you keep putting off…

That inner voice that's been wanting to speak up... rather than being pushed down or exploding out?

You keep telling yourself that you’ll start soon… you’ll create time for the conversation… you’ll quit the job… you’ll take the course… you’ll ask for help… you'll say 'no more!'... you’ll take the action that you know you need to take.

It’s all well and good to keep convincing yourself that you you’re GOING to do the thing. But unless you actually START you’re just feeding yourself false truths. And that’s not very self loving.

"HOW MUCH ANGER IS TOO MUCH?

Certainly not the anger that, for many of us, is a remembering of a self we learned to hide and quiet.

It is willful and disobedient.

It is survival, liberation, creativity, urgency, and vibrancy.

It is a statement of need. An insistence of acknowledgment.

Anger is a boundary. Anger is boundless. An opportunity for contemplation and self-awareness.

It is commitment. Empathy. Self-love. Social responsibility.

If it is poison, it is also the antidote.

The anger we have as women is an act of radical imagination."

"A society that does not respect women's anger is one that does not respect women; not as human beings, thinkers, knowers, active participants, or citizens."

These are the words of Soraya Chemaly, from the book Rage Becomes Her: The Power of Women's Anger.

What strikes me in this passage in particular is the line...

"If it is poison, it is also the antidote."

If it is powerful enough to be so destructive, it is also powerful enough to be incredibly creative and strong.

This creative, life affirming energy is from the same source. You get to choose how you ride the wave of energy that is available to you.

If we allow it to serve us in it's pure and present form it doesn't get shoved into the undercurrents and create a destructive tsunami.

Reclaiming my Anger has given me the strength and vitality to do so many things that I didn't believe were possible not that long ago.

I've walked on edges and jumped off cliffs I didn't know existed and many people have experienced their own versions of this self-empowerment.

Reclaiming your Anger is reclaiming the antidote for a life worth living.

​Stacia

THE CONSCIOUS TANTRUM
one of the most adult things I do these days....

I've had a couple of interactions with an extended family member in the past 24hrs that has connected me to deep layers of Grief and Anger.

Boundaries were crossed by agreements not being kept and it hurt. Words were shared that were not backed by actions.

The emotional surge came forth pretty quickly. Within it I felt both Sadness (in the form of Grief) and Anger.

In my work with feelings-based communication and emotional release I've learnt that when emotions are mixed I can't shift the energy and hence healing stagnates.
It's important to work with each emotional flavour individually. They deserve this kind of single focused attention.

The Sadness was strongest at first and I let what felt possible at the time move through. Tears flowed, snot dripped... I sobbed like I hadn't for a while.

Gero called at the perfect time and held me in it from afar... more came.

This Sadness was about my Mother, my family home and my connection to this place that has had to take on a new form due to some unforeseen circumstances.

Then the Anger came. It was big and primal and uncomfortable and I didn't really want to feel it.

I could feel the part of me that wanted to direct it to the person whose actions triggered me. What they did (and didn't do) wasn't OK. I was clear about that.

However while there was the clear and pure feeling of Anger about what wasn't OK there was also a surge of emotional energy bubbling up.

Emotional Anger connected to many other times when similar boundaries had been crossed in similar ways where I'd not spoken up.

Hence, the Conscious Tantrum.

In recognising the emotional charge that wasn't about what had just happened I took myself to my bed and allowed it to move through my body.
Feet kicking, fists clenched and pounding, heart racing, voice open... making sounds, growling, allowing whatever un-PC words that wanted to come out.

Moving it through... safely.

It wasn't directed at anyone in particular... it was probably about many things - that's not important.

It was an old ball of energy that this current encounter had gifted me the opportunity to heal and I was choosing to move it through rather than holding on to it even longer.

God it felt good. More tears came soon after then another wave of Anger... I just rode the waves for a couple of minutes.

It doesn't need to take too long to move this stuff (I reminded myself...)
Directly before this I felt sluggish, stuck, heavy and I could feel that I was getting too close to the emotional swamp for my liking. You know... that place where you end up stuck and indulging in the stuckness.... no thanks.

Straight after there was clarity and a sense of self-empowerment that I was grateful for... yes thanks.

Choosing to have a Conscious Tantrum over being stuck in the swamp may be one of the most adult things I choose to do these days.

And I decided to share this as an offering to what may be possible for you next time you find yourself triggered, filling with emotion and stumbling towards the swamp...

There are other choices you can make and other paths to take than the familiar old well trodden - and outdated - ones.

These new paths lead to new cultures where emotions help us to heal and feelings guide us home...

I'll see you there...

​Stacia

On Monday night I stepped into the final ritual of The Feeling Rites #3.

A journey around the Medicine Wheel holding the energy of the 4 core feelings we work with. It has always been a powerful end to the 6 week journey for me as I witness each participant step in to the Wheel and acknowledge, honour and express a declaration to these feelings that hold a whole new and powerful meaning in their lives.

This time, as we gathered at the centre of the wheel for a closing circle my tears began to rise as I listened to each person share their experiences of insights and/or transformation from the 6 weeks.

I heard that people could communicate with family and friends in a whole new way that was connected to how they felt and could land with others in a way they hadn't experience before. The tears rumbled.

I heard a practitioner share how powerful this work was and how it will serve them in how they can work with others. The tears began to rise.

I heard how taking responsibility for feelings served someone to more fully embody their adult self and and to show up more in their lives for themselves and others. The tears rose higher.

I heard how the simplicity of this feelings framework was incredibly empowering; having tools and steps to work with feelings and emotions that we feel every day. The tears filled my eyes.

And I heard how, having been to many workshops, that there was a way that we (Gero and I ) went about facilitating that was unique, different and real. The tears began to fall.

It was my turn to share now and my face screwed up and the tears flowed and I shared how I was connected to a deep sadness. An emotional sadness that spoke of a part of me that had been keeping me at a distance to my purpose. A sadness that also told me that I was right on track and to keep on going.

The thing is, it is due to us allowing tears to fall, fear to be seen, anger to be expressed and joy to be felt with clarity and purpose that seems to make us unique as facilitators in the eyes of our participants.

I want to be clear that I'm not saying we're better than, this is just our unique way of facilitating from a place of identifying feelings and emotions and distinguishing the two that supports a particular kind of relating.

I really believe that feelings are our common language and when we can show up and communicate with them it has an impact.

And... for me this still hits up against a belief that I've somehow let in that Facilitators need to have their shit together. That I can't show any emotion ( a little feeling is OK) as I'm meant to have that sorted and people may not trust me if I do.
Oh the irony and the simplicity that we're trusted even more as we model and embody what we teach.

So in hearing all of this feedback I allowed the tears to come and I shared my gratitude, and my fear of being seen and my joy that sometimes comes with tears also and it was welcomed.

Sadness is the medicine of connection. As a feeling it comes to reconnect us to self or other in the moment. As an emotion, as mine was at the time, it came with an attempt to be heard and felt from the many times it was ignored and pushed away in the past. The many times I ignored the calling of my true purpose.

The message was loud and clear this time. "THIS IS YOUR PURPOSE. IT'S POWERFUL. IT'S TRANSFORMATIVE. KEEP GOING."

It was a timely message after a tough couple of weeks where at times I was ready to let all the balls drop and walk away.

I just wanted to go get a 9-5 job where I could fill just 1, or maybe 2 roles, rather than feeling like I'm juggling all of them with Gero in fear of how many I'm dropping as we continue to inject life force energy into this infant child that is The Art of Relating.

I'm learning, as a Mother, that I chose this child and if I don't feed it, it will die.
While I'm not as afraid to let things die as much these days I'm hearing the message over and over again that this child is one to keep alive. It has a BIG gift for the world which I'm hearing through the mouths and bodies of every person who comes into contact with it.

It is time to change my parenting style however. I am laying each ball down gently and have decided to stop being a clown with the juggling act. It doesn't serve.
Instead I will place each ball on the altar and worship one at a time as I create a new solid river bed within which to allow the river of this lifes' creation to flow along.

And it's time to ask for help, to call the people in who are ready to bring this work - to bring feelings-based communication - back into the world.

As I allow this all in more tears flow, tears of reconnection, joy and relief along with the clarity and direction of Anger, and Fear to attune me to all around, as I to continue to walk this path and Facilitate with Feeling.

​Stacia